Monday, June 13, 2005

What's the Plural Form of Alumnus

Graduation is like old Costco Baguette. It's excessively long, the speeches are stale and dry, and you finish it more or less uninspired. Joyce didn't write Ulysses after a piece of bread. My entire family got sunburned, I'm tired I have an actual headache, I still have to unpack-and I'm slightly sad it's all over.

"It's" refers to UCSB, my undergraduate "career," if it's deserving of that title. College flew by, and besides for a couple of weeks and exam-packed days, it was easy as shit. And we all know how easy shit is. I was cataloging my last 4 years.

Freshman Year is a Waste. I was like a lost sperm trying to find the egg and fertilize something. I didn't know what I was doing, what I was studying, what non-Jewish girls kiss like (now I know enough). I joined AePi for a week because my friends did, then dropped out Pledge Night. And so began Hillel....

Second Year was an improved version of my First Year. I knew where campus was, where the Humanities Building was, and what time to go to gym to avoid body and fraternity traffic. Oh, and I learned why it's not sagacious to live with an obese drug addict who knocks up lesbians, a passive aggressive Korean, and two girls who hate each other like my dad hates Germans yet still have lived together for the past 3 years.

Junior Year-ITALY. Just perfect.

Senior Year-What it all comes down to. I found 5 guys from So Cal, lived with a tortured artist type, a sweet soul with a sweet eye for DVDs, a fashionista, and others I don't care to mention because we're still semi-friends, and like semi-chocolate, the structure is weaking but some shards of friendship still exist, barely. The security deposit holds everything together.

I'm tired. These past 2 months of saying goodbye, finishing school, packing, trying to do everything Santa Barbara has to offer me--minus the pork-- graduating, and making sense of it all. Some people use the line, "Thanks for the ride." Cheesy and obnoxious, it sounds like you're a constant traveler, and that this experience, 4 YEARS, is just a ride. But maybe it is, 'cause I feel so seasick, lifesick, I'm outta Dramamine and I just want to go to bed.

But now life starts. B'hatzlacha. Good luck to you all, and bye to those I didn't see before I left. If we're meant to, I'll see you. I changed my cell phone message. It's funny. So Tovah, Sarah, I'm seding your sorry asses to Voice Mail next time you call. Everyone else, you're playin' too.
And to all the fine Jewlicious people: Stay kosher.

Mazal Tovs for everybody. Especially fellow Alumni.


At 3:27 PM, Anonymous Saracita said...

You used the word "sagacious" and I got a shout-out... best blog entry ever! I am sad today too. We aren't "college students" anymore and everyone is leaving town... weird. I will make sure to call your cell phone to hear your funny voicemail you funny Jew, you.

At 5:03 PM, Anonymous tovah said...

i love you.

At 4:44 PM, Blogger tzipi said...

my graduation ceremony was 40min!!! (superbly short) - plus it was inside in the air conditioning, and we all hopped over to the art building for a weird reception with lots of unkosher foodstuffs + senior gallery show (where i stole my own painting and took off like a thief in the night)

college was like 4 years of summer camp. lots of annoying people but there were some good ones with whom you could bitch about the bad ones.

At 7:29 PM, Blogger Aaron said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 10:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"But maybe it is, 'cause I feel so seasick, lifesick, I'm outta Dramamine and I just want to go to bed."
song material, i think yes!


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