Coming Back to Normal

It's late, im workin the iron & wine, I got the scented candle burning on my desk, I shut my lamp off, my hair is still wet from the shower, I won the Jewlicious photo contest, my face is on the internet [exciting, since i never win anything] and im getting a bunch of safran foer shit. maybe i can meet him and he can tell me why I have a severe tendency to start so many new projects and never complete them? i mean, the poetry is there, it's just the longer short stories i have trouble nailing. its disappointing, really. time time time, why did i do to you that keeps you running away from me?

im exhausted...today, simchat torah, was super tough, super fulfilling, super intense. It was one of those days where you're expecting things to occur in a certain, predisposed way, and it all just falls apart as the clock moves from 1 to 2 to 5 to 6:30 to 10. I took a walk today with my friend Tobin. I love getting closer with once-strangers--for me it's like a treasure hunt, and I'm discovering that enticing clue after clue, always searching, my eye on the gold. he's a sweetheart, plain and simple, and you know, these days, you can't say that about too many people with a straight face. im friends again with someone i kinda broke up with for a while, due to reasons i won't get into. she's noticeably happier, and part of me is making a desperate attempt to investigate why, the other half content to just let things be and accept things the way they are. its a delicate situation, where saying things might do better than good. ah, workwise, things were just hectic, busy, and sad in a way. ive become so attached to the people that work with me it really is a family, me the parent them the children, and im understanding now why my mom didn't have a problem with blood or injury in general, but couldn't stand seeing us bleed.

it troubles me that I don't have the band aids for some of them. :(

---im dancing tonight with the torah vodka shots in my left hand bouncing on the mud floor jews surrounding encamping happiness glow from the center of this sweaty circle cakes pink laffy taffy on tables with the god in me and you and you and me and and and he's just smiling, and thinking, always thinking---

i wanna know what's he's thinking

i wanna know what's he's thinking


i wanna know what's he's thinking