Saturday, June 25, 2005

Mloovetyeh Language of Love

Alright, alright!!! I know it has been a while, but I am finally here, typing on a defective keyboard in Prague, where the Ys are Zy and the lack of apostrophes has led me to a new found appreciation for anti-conjuctions. oH, and 7 Cyechsters are playing CounterStrike, yelling in the background.

I was thinking about telling you guys about my flight, the treif food I was forced to eat-chicken marsala-so here goes-it was a good idea to break up the flight, houston is full of fat people, and london gatwick airport sucks because the english dont believe in air-conditioning. that was the first urban kvetch of the post.

the boathouse hostel is 20minutes outside staremesto, old town of praha, and didnt lie in the advertisement that they are a backpackers heaven, a nice refuge from the heavilz trafficked areas of town. you walk anywhere in the city and youre liable to hear italian, hebrew, slovak, russian, and english everywhere. and dont get me started on the english. its custom for guy and gals to throw bachelor-ette parties in prague, so they move in groups of 20, harassing women, asking everyone for directions all in a drunken haze. truly lovely!

the old jewish quarter is really something special. i ran into a sicilian couple who after our 3 hour excursion together, where we walked through all 6 synagogues, invited me to their place when i go to italy. i said --va bene, but no funny business when i arrive..and by funny i mean mafia, and by business i mean contract killings--alberto and paola were super nice, really intelligent people-we discussed the fate and current state of modern jewry, israel and zionism, anti-semitism, and the fast of yom kippur...SHIT! shoulda told them about the blog!!! we walked thru the old jewish cemetary, where 12,000 tombstones are jumbled up together, some 500 years old. after putting a rock on the maharals tomb --the golem rabbi--they both did the same. such nachas.

the transit system is easy to use-its fairly recommended to get lost for a few hours and youll figure it all out. im starting to feel like a natural chesky after only a day and a half.

the women here are stunning, in case any of you are wondering. i know my brothers are. as are some other members of mÿ family. some dont speak english that well, and its hard to communicate. otherwise, those that do have first hand knowledge of american guyz and their sexual agenda, so i think they tend to stay away. in all, the czecks arent completely there yet- perhaps theyre still decompressing after communism and pissed about joining the EU since its destroying their economy, but there not as happy as other peoples ive seen. inquisitive, but not yet there. one girl, strangely, couldnt explain what she felt about americans.

im not going to poland. its too out of the way- a big schlep to see the camps. ironic, huh? because it sure as hell wasnt for the germans. one of my roommates arrived, and poland is just the opposite direction from where we want to end up-BUDAPEST- we dont have that much time here, and i dont want to spend 2 or 3 dazs of traveling to see a killing centre for 3 hours. im kinda close by not really, and want to spend more time there. wouldnt you rather party in an underground cave in hungary?? really?? cool. nice to know you agree.

our agenda is bratislava, budapest, eger, then back to italy for a lil fun in the adriatic sun. i cant wait for the food. its literally gonna be just an orgy of tastes- i look forward to eating out in italian ristoranti like my grandparents wanted to come to america.

what else? beer gardens, mirror houses, pastry shops where no one speaks a world of english-gesticulation comes in handy-chilling on the danube and blending in-praha reallz is a magical place. people say its not, but trust me. They are LIARS and they must be shot. the tourists dont bother me. i see them as my bodyguards to the rampant pickpocketers who plunge the lost souls.

4 hours of sleep and a litre of beer and im still standing-well, right now im sitting, but thats not my point- my point is, my friends, is that this little superjew has to go back to his happy hostel. hes tired, his thighs are badly chafed-its burns! it burns!-he smells worse than an israeli from the golan with garlic breath-were talking bad here, people, and he badly needs a shower.

till next time, in budapest. but until then, alway remember that if a half russian-half czech guy named Nicotev takes you to his bar and then to a nightclub, think about it, walk away, and do not look back.


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