Saturday, November 26, 2005

666 to kiss you

thanksgiving. the holidays. god, i hate them. its so nice to be a jew. we give all year round, we share all year round, not for solely 2 weeks out of the year.

new years, i shall be spending this year in israel. i hate new years hype. its ridiculous. it always makes me feel depressed. were one year closer, closer to the end. no no, stop being so pessimistic. every new years I've had has fallen way way short, we're talking midget short, of expectations. last year, i think i was, oh yeah! last year was pretty rad. i went to this lame-o party, a friend of my brothers, got trashed off of long islands, but as I was walking towards the car I found two thousand dollars. drug money. i used it to go europe last summer. the year before, NY, we were freezing our asses off watching this green dot move a couple inches-it looked like inches from where we were standing-and some jerk sprayed champagne over everyone. on new years, everyone is supposed to be out in huge groups, find the best party, the good looking girl who want to kiss right at new years jesus christ this fucking pressure! to have fun, = (equals) = no fun...just worying that you'll meet your expectations for the evening, and as we all know, nothing ever goes according to plan.

thanksgiving is a jewish holiday. we eat eat eat eat eat go out for 2 hours get hungry but feel guilty about eating out so we come home for leftover and eat eat eat go to the bathroom eat some more eat eat eat eat eat fight turtles eat eat eat. then youre too tired and bloated to move, so you have to sit at home and play board games like monopoly and scrabble and truth or dare with your crazy uncle. always a hit.

my head hurts. not a headache. it feels like ive been headbanging like in the old concert days and my skulls is snapping off its own hinges to my neck.

i saw animal collective. i want to start a tribalistic jewish indie reggae rock band.

my friend jeremie got married. morroccan style. he was under the chupah, praying, i think. sometimes i wish that wouldve been me up there.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

and the winner is...

New York [I think].

Saturday, November 12, 2005

skipping rocks, prophetic coffeeshops

the Hillel @ Longbeach blogsite, aptly called Surphology Headquarters, has me listed in their links. If you hover, yes hover, over kosher confessions, it'll say "funny, straightfoward, and local." it's nice, and reaffirming to know that i'm writing something of value, though lately i feel that my posts have become too self-indulgent to reach anyone else but you few dedicated readers out there, as if i'm constantly searching for reinforcement of my decisions and opening the window to my soul wider and wider, letting everyone in but never venturing further outward than the comfort zone of my apartment in goleta.

thus, i give you some personal insight into my current situation and reflections on life, and where it's taken and taking me, in earnest hopes that it just might resonate with you.

i bought asics gel shoes last week, and started running. 3 miles, 5 miles, today i ran an even six i believe, driving to the beach then running near my house, strangely. i stopped for a second, staring at the marvelous santa barbarian ocean, skipped some rocks...soft ones barely made a dent, medium sized ones that skipped quite nicely, and huge mommas and poppas that landed with a sad, thick crash onto the seabed. and in epiphanic fashion I realized that I don't want to be a big rock, don't want to be handcuffed to some job, some destination, some thing that I don't enjoy. I want to be mobile. i want to make a few dents, no, more than a few, a lot of serious dents and ripples in the ocean, and rest on the sand until another wave comes, when i can find a new home, then get picked up and float on, just like a modest mouse. that's who i am, a mighty modest mouse, ready to kick ass. or a a grizzly bear=aggressive, yet charming, smooth, but will rip your balls off. and maybe tear your heart out.

i met this guy in a coffeeshop. an old man. my ability to meet and connect immediately with ppl sometimes scares ppl..its funny. it's not uncommon for me to go get food or coffee or the market with a friend, say 'i'll be right out', then need to get pulled away from said friend because im talking to the mexican stockman about where he's from and how italian and spanish are the same, or the liquor store owner and his experience immigrating from tehran, or the girl (it comes in handy, this skill, oh wise one) who is wearing pink socks and finding out she knows so and so who knows so and so from santa barbara and then we make plans to go the getty.

again, we are sidetracked. =)

so this fool, dressed in a cardigan, gives me half his paper...we start talkin, he worked as a PE teacher, volleyball, and incorporated japanese teknique in his classrooms. tells me i should become a teacher. or do business and teach on the side. [[[ god, i am confused. really god, if you're out there, listening, shed some light or open a window that's been closed and help me find what i'm looking for, because its dark and i don't have the right kind of batteries for my flashlight. ]]]

i get up to leave. teddy shakes my hand. "it's an honor" he says. "no, the honor is mine." i leave, pondering. was it really? who was that, some therisias, telling me that i'm on the right track, or on the right platform and need to get on the train because it's leaving? what? what is an "honor?" why was it an honor? it felt good, but no way did i earn it. it seemed uniquely prophetic, like we were meant to meet and maybe i AM supposed to earn his honor, his judgement, his approval.

i'm trying. i'm trying. im trying im trying imtryingimtryingimtrying isweartoyou i am trying to be a better man. just look.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

VOTE and SEND AARON AWAY!!! You pick the place.

San Francisco

And if you're thinking Israel, I'm going twice this school year.

After all the votes are complete, and that means, after the 7 commentators get down to business, then I'll pick the place. Pretty ingenious huh? You have the power to send me to Thailand. Choose wisely.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

attention photoshoppers

Malibu birds careen thru town, mutant beer drinkers frolic in brown, the sibling awash in pigeon poop, italian plastic wrap, love and marvel at his italian speaking brother, red peach clay buildings islands crumble and descend into the windstripped canals of venezia, the man in the stairs, the men in the stairs eyeing over everyone waiting cigar in mouth deep in contemplation, waiting waiting the lot of them just waiting to make their move.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005


lately ive been spending time alone balancing stretching from introverted aaron it started with coffeeshops writing about jews feeling accomplished to reading political reviews at borders to now camping no not camping what am i saying but the park going to the park next door to my house so lovely, bringing a blanket and godzilla-my ipod-and falling asleep hypnosis by the clouds and at that opposite end of the life spectrum i will be inside everyone talking munching on mucho nothing shooting the shit over beers does anyone ever say the words "chewing the fat" anymore like in jd salinger stories? those were so great - i started writing again, or reading a lot, and been unhappy with it if i can be frank [and you can be shirley] books are murderous poison i get engrossed in them and then realize damn fool i will no write like that and i know that thats pessimism for ya but hey i'm being realiztic with my work-i taught a class on yehoshua thats joshua for all the non
yiddin out there and it was just me brother brothers friend going over the first chapter and it kicked ASS i tell ya hoo hoo hoooooo hooooo i love teaching i love guiding and nurturting and hearing other people's opinions and not being afraid when they conflict with your own, but giving lessons and making progress and and and and making people more informed and more educated and more better than before they met me so there.