Sunday, July 03, 2005

Zach Braff knows How I Feel...

Sometimes we tend to be overexpectant of the future, and hype up what's coming. I'm here in my old roommate's apartment outside of Bologna, and couldn't a more stronger mix of excitement, confusion, and lonliness as now. It's like coming back to your old hometown during the summer when everyone is gone-the buildings, the parks, the broken streetlamps are right where they should be, but you're not, and neither is anyone else.

It's all here-the heat, the piazza, the overpriced italian clothes with sexually inviting copy written all over people's chests. my favorites are You and Me, Tonight?, Faq You (No no no...Faq YOU), and I am Sexy. I spent most of the day alone while my friend Guiseppe was in recovery from the night before, walking around the city, involuntarily tracing back old memories from the year before. It was nice but excruciatingly painful to realize that something was missing, but I couldn't figure out what. I couldn't find that feeling of home that I possessed so strongly while I was abroad here, no matter how hard I tried. I'm looking for that same sentiment I had- knowing the city, feeling comfortable speaking Italian, having my American friends and my Italian ones, being able to make plans on an instant. I feel like a tourist in my own country, though I've come to the realization that no matter what type of clothes I wear or how much time I spend fixing my accent so I won't ripped off by the street market vendors, I'll always be an a Jewish American 20 something.

I can't stay here. This push and pull of feeling like a regular Bolognese or an American college graduate touring northern Italy has taken its toll and is literally pushing me out the door to continue my travels. Why stop now? I love Italy and don't regret coming here, but maybe it was too early to come to Bologna.

I'm meeting some friends for lunch then heading to Rome. From there, Napoli. From Napoli, who knows?


Post a Comment

<< Home